It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas … city sidewalks, busy sidewalks, dressed in holiday style … deck the halls … Yes, the hustle and bustle of the festive season are upon us once again.
One of the radio stations in town has been blaring holiday music for weeks, the iphone Christmas music playlists are set on repeat mode.
The pleasant aromas of fruitcakes and mince meat pies drifting from grandma’s house add to the yuletide atmosphere.
Norman Rockwellian scenes appear as woolen-clad youngsters anxiously peer into candy store windows while the tintinnabulation of the Salvation Army Santa bells rings in the background.
Although the times are filled with happiness and joy, many are stricken by a serious condition known as Merry Christmas Season — MCS, the crippler of young adults.
MCS is caused by the receipt of 10 or more Macy’s catalogs a week before election day and over exposure to large doses of Christmas decorations Thanksgiving week.
Early diagnosis will rid the population of this dreaded affliction. To combat the spread of MCS the American Merry Christmas Season Association has issued these four warning signals:
1. Coughing or shortness of breath while running across the store to take advantage of the pre-Black Friday X-Box special. This symptom reveals a deterioration of the stamina needed to put tinsel on the tree one strand at a time and not in clumps of 10 or more. Although this respiratory ailment may be caused by an allergic reaction to mistletoe or mulled wine, it’s best to have a check up.
2. The presence of a lump in your throat or elsewhere when a Craftsman Max Access Power Wrench, the Personal Pedi, or some other gift advertisement with the personal touch pops up on your facebook feed. If overcome by this urge, immediately hurry out and buy an iPad, or the equivalent. If you don’t have that kind of cash, go on Wheel of Fortune and buy a vowel.
3. An eyesore that does not heal after you have decorated your home with more flashing lights than Caesar’s Palace, hired a troupe of actors to depict the Nativity and enticed reindeer into your yard with salt blocks. To aid in the rehabilitation process have a winter garage sale and sell your house – and garage.
4. A change in shopping or mail habits noticed when you’re send out 500 Christmas cards to take advantage of bulk postage rates. After you purchase your plump butterball turkey, did you ask the clerk to have it wrapped in something suitable for a five year old, chronic signs could be developing.
If any of these warning signs persist for longer than a week past Veteran’s Day, see your counselor. MCS strikes 1 out of 3 people. Think of your two closest friends and if they seem okay, then it must be you!
Remember the American Merry Christmas Association this holiday season and give early and often on Colorado Gives Day.